The
Tao Of Dating
Free Sample #2
"Making
the Neurochemistry of Attraction Work For You"
The physiology of attraction
On
a fundamental level, feelings are created by neurotransmitters.
In her book Why We Love, Helen Fisher divides love
feelings into three categories: lust, romance, and long-term
attachment. Romance can trigger lust; lust can also trigger
romance, but to a lesser extent. Attachment is a byproduct
of lust and romance over the long term. The hormone primarily
responsible for lust is testosterone; adrenaline is also involved
in mediating lust and short-term attraction. Romance (a.k.a
'being in love') is mediated by dopamine and norepinephrine.
Attachment is mediated by oxytocin in women and vasopressin
in men. The table below summarizes the various hormones and
neurotransmitters involved in love feelings and how each one
is evoked. Don't worry too much about which action evokes
which substance; just know that all of the substances in the
end increase attraction in some way.
| Substance |
Evoked
by |
Extra
features |
| dopamine |
Novelty |
can
increase testosterone levels |
| adrenaline |
danger,
excitement |
thought
to mediate love at first sight |
| norepinehphrine |
stimulants,
novelty |
|
| oxytocin
(in women) |
nipple
& genital stimulation, orgasm, touch |
creates
long-term bonding |
| vasopressin
(in men) |
genital
stimulation, touch, dehydration |
|
| PEA |
direct
eye-gazing |
mediates
rapid attraction |
Phenylethanolamine (PEA) is a particularly interesting chemical
stimulated by looking directly into the eyes of another person.
One study showed that looking directly into the eyes of a
member of the opposite sex for just two minutes engendered
passionate feelings in both people (Kellerman et al., 1989).
Without
getting into too much scientific detail (for that I highly
recommend Helen Fisher's books), just by looking at the table
above we can reach some powerful conclusions. Dopamine, adrenaline,
norepinephrine, oxytocin and PEA mediate attraction-related
feelings. So to evoke those feelings, you want to engage in
novel, exciting, physically and emotionally arousing activities,
and pepper those activities with touch and direct eye-gazing.
If you try to do those all at the same time, you may feel
overwhelmed and look silly to boot. Better just to know that
these are the things that you should be doing, and do them
regularly until they are second nature.
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The Tao of Dating and the Tao of Sexual Mastery Now
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